I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
God I need to hump something, right now.
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