THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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