No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you had me at cake vodka
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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