I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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