just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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