if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
