I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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