why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
