I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
vagina is talking i cant
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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