dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
