There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
