No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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