And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
