K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
