this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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