Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
