I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
