You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
