I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
