Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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