If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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