I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You took a bar mat shot.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
