There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
