Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
