I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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