my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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