i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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