And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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