apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
