She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
