i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
