I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Couch. On fire.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
