dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
