i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
