ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
