I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
