mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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