my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
