Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
