you have to choose: penises or morals?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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