remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
