Umm I'm too high to move.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
