The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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