im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
