I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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