the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
