There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
