i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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