is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Randomize
