Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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