Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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