He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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