theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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