Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Drunk is a universal language darling
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
