my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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