Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
