A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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