You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My penis needs a shock collar
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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