Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
