doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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