apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
