Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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