I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize