Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
