it was like his penis was on wheels.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
