Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
