I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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